Love vs. Duty: Understanding the Nuances of Human Connection

‘Love’ and ‘Duty’ are words we are very familiar with. Love is an emotion. Love is done by oneself to another and by oneself to oneself. Duty is the responsibility towards each other. People do not love themselves as much as they love others. Few people take care of their body, mind, emotions, and consciousness.

The context we want to raise here is related to the love one has for another. There is no concrete form mentioned anywhere on how love should be done. However, duty can be written down. When viewed this way, the performance of duty can be seen directly, while love cannot be written or seen.

Understanding these two words in depth, love is expressed through soulful service, while duty can be seen as the fulfillment of responsibility.

• Types of Duty

Duty is viewed in two ways – legal duty and moral duty. The rights and duties of citizens are mentioned in the constitution of every country. Obeying the laws of the state, not infringing on the rights of others, and paying taxes determined by the state are the legal duties of citizens.

There is no reward for obeying the law of the country, but there is punishment for not doing so. There is some love inherent in the duty towards the country. However, if the law is followed only literally and technically at times, there may be no love.

Similarly, duty is not only for citizens. The state, government, political parties, communities, or groups have their own levels of duties. Laws, policies, rules, and orders exist in the country to enforce the performance of legal duties. The duties of individuals are contained within these. The ‘Sadaachar Niti, 2083’ (Good Conduct Policy, 2083) recently published by the Government of Nepal can also be taken as an example.

• The Inherent Layer of Love

Just as duty is divided into legal and moral, love cannot be classified. However, protecting the borders of one's country, loving the climate and heritage, preserving important information of the country, and respecting attire and festivals fall under moral duties.

Similarly, prioritizing the consumption of the country's products and working for the country during times of conflict or war is patriotism. Respecting all members of the community and having goodwill towards social values is a duty. Patriotism is inherent in these duties.

Similarly, at the personal level, citizens looking at each other with equality and the capable helping the incapable are also mentioned in various documents. Love for elderly parents and young children also falls under moral duty.

Let's look at an example at the legal level in Nepal.

In the latest amendment of ‘Senior Citizens Act, 2063’ (2006 AD) in 2079 BS, it is stated as a duty to provide maintenance to elderly parents according to one's capacity. Here, the affection and respect towards parents are taken as a moral duty. Although the law calls it a duty, what is meant here is love. The law expects love to be inherent in this moral duty.

In Nepali culture, the proper upbringing of children is also seen as a duty. The ‘Children Act, 2075’ (2018 AD) seems more focused on how to treat those without family support justly. If these moral duties are violated, ordinary laws in countries like Nepal may not be able to impose punishment or easily penalize.

• Love, Family, and Closeness

In developed countries, there are strong laws for fulfilling the duty towards children. Looking at the context of Nepal, children may have been sent to good schools by paying a lot of money. They may have been provided with cash or goods as requested. There may have been no compromise in their food and clothing.

However, children keenly observe whether their parents give them time and play with them. In such a situation, no matter how much material prosperity they receive, children do not feel loved. They are asking for time. They do not like it when their parents are always in a hurry.

There are some similarities and some differences in the desire for love between elderly parents and children. Parents' expectations are not for great luxury but for the time given by their children and daughters-in-law. A dry roti given with sweet words by one's own family is more satisfying than kheer fed by servants.

In the rural society of Nepal, the tradition of sons going abroad and daughters-in-law taking care of children and in-laws still exists. In cities, both parents in some families have opportunities for outside work. Even in this situation, if children-in-law serve food cooked by others with love, it is considered nectar.

This is not to say that parents do not need material things. Everyone needs basic necessities and services. If one parent is alone, their mental state may be very different and of a different density than we think.

The common desire of parents is that their children and daughters-in-law, who are with them, sit with them for a while before sleeping at night. Sitting like this immediately relieves the loneliness of the day. Those who have come from working outside may be tired. Even if they fall asleep without having time to talk, parents feel their presence.

All parents wish for their family members who are abroad to return to Nepal and live together. This brings up the matter of regular contact with those who are abroad. They give great importance to the fact that their children call, rather than not calling.

Therefore, at this time, which love, which duty? This tangle cannot be untangled.

• The Measure and Weight of Love

It is not to say that there is no love at all in a duty performed with heartfelt emotion. Service done by one to another, investment of time, physical presence and touch, sweet words, forgiveness, etc., are considered synonyms of love. However, love and duty cannot be considered equal.

Love is a radiant light, while duty is just a glow that provides some warmth and brightness. Duty is a developing state, love is a fully developed emotion. The value of a smile exchanged eye to eye cannot be compared to any object.

It is said that the world is made of love and rests on love. Therefore, love is the basis of life. Love has a sense of belonging. There is a union of dual auras. Similarly, love has no compromise or conditions. There is no accounting of give and take. The measure and weight of love cannot be measured. Therefore, it is said that love is complete. Nothing needs to be added to it.

If you add, subtract, multiply, or divide love by love, the answer is always love.