Poetry Showcase: Three Works by Neelam Karki 'Niharika' on Motherhood, Faith, and Life's Flow

Neelam Karki 'Niharika' is an active name in Nepali narrative writing. Neelam, who often prefers to write novels and stories based on historical and mythological characters, is soon coming before readers with a new historical novel. In this week's Ratopati, we present three poems by Niharika herself.

1. The Day You Were Born

Occasionally, I think this way–

Your birthday

was the day you left me

The separation on that day–

An umbrella sheltering from pouring rain

It is not a separation like being left behind when the downpour subsides

Like leaving after crossing a surging river, or after climbing an impassable mountain

The staff that became a strong support for the crossing

After reaching the opposite bank or

After stepping onto the ridge  

It is not like that separation  

While running to reach, while stopping with a gesture of the palm  

Like disappearing when reaching the destination together  

Or like a river flowing continuously, humming and enjoying the rhythm  

It is not a separation like being split in a torrent

To separate–

Is to leave your mother's womb  

To reach your mother's lap

For the mother to receive the vision of a soft moon in her own palm with heartfelt warmth  

To become coolness and be absorbed into the pupil of the mother's eye  

To separate–

Despite having different bodies, different blood circulation, different hearts  

To continue beating as the mother's very life force in the mother's chest  

Setting aside all her dreams  

To live your happiness, celebrating one step ahead of you

Your successful steps  

I think this way too–

From your first dwelling place  

After you moved out  

We were separated by cutting the umbilical cord

From the lap, the cradle, step-by-step–

You went farther and farther, saying 'bame' and 'tate-tate' (baby steps)

School, college, job, business, and so on  

With various titles and sub-titles  

A long horizontal distance was drawn between you and me  

When did our hearts ever become distant due to distance?

The realization that I am merely a mass of flesh, a part of my mother

When did that leave you?

That you are beating within me  

When did I ever forget to listen for you in my own heart?

When you were born  

I used to regain consciousness, becoming unconscious

In the pool of my own blood  

Saying, 'This much is the meeting now'

Relatives who came to see you  

Wiping away the sympathy flowing from their eyes with great care, they would return  

If I were defeated in the pain of childbirth  

Without saying, understanding your sorrow and without speaking, understanding your hunger  

With the great fear that there will never be anyone in this world to understand

A powerful energy of maternal love ignited in me  

And so, reaching the climax of pain  

Challenging the death before me  

Today is the day of the achievement of giving birth to you  

Yes, when you were born  

I fought a fierce war on the serious threshold of life and death  

It was not destined for you to be born an orphan  

That is why, my child, I am living on your fortune!

From here began the remaining important chapters of life  

In the wave of being an 'Aama' (Mother), revered and respected by all in the world

You made me stand alongside you  

I received this completeness from you that very day  

As you cried upon being born  

I kept smiling looking at you  

Your cry was a resounding conch call

Informing this world of your birth  

Or  

You cried out of rebellion for being far from your mother's warm womb  

And I  

To show you this world  

The pride of making you stand on this earth  

I was smiling radiantly  

I also think this way–

The day you were born as a child  

I was born as a mother, as a Janani (birther)!

Occasionally, I think this way–

Undoubtedly  

When you received life  

I received life again  

Looking at different bodies

Seeing distinct existence  

But I  

Was born as you too.

2. Devotee and God

O God! O Creator!

You will sustain this world

You alone are capable of operating this universe of ours, saying this

The presiding deity sat enthroned on the seat of the worshipped God  

They were desperate, disappointed, and extremely distressed  

The glorious ray of his miracle  

The unique devotional feeling of faith sprouted and flourished again  

That is why,

Save us, Lord! Show us the path to success, saying this

Considering themselves as servants, they considered Him as the Master  

The devotee's salvation was considered to be dwelling near their God, remaining surrendered to the service of Him  

Ruling over us  

O our Sovereign! O our Master! O our Lord!

Everything is under your control, Lord

Save us in this time of crisis, O absolute ruler, saying this

Worshipping with incense and lamps, ready at all times to blow the conch in praise of His greatness

They scattered flowers of hymns on the paths He walked  

This is the truth–

God did not create them  

In an alternative, they were creating God after God one after another  

Yes, again, hearing their murmurs of sorrow, another God was ready to be born  

Because of them,

Testing and weighing based on their reliance  

Gods were incarnating on Earth repeatedly  

Yesterday too, the devotees were extremely honest  

With immeasurable faith, they worshipped the one they considered God

Considering Him flawless, they made Him their path to merit  

They saw their refuge at His feet  

Fulfilling their duty as devotees for Him  

They became like a thunderbolt, striking down enemies in His struggle, unconcerned about turning to ashes themselves  

The so-called God, intoxicated like Bhasmasura, who received the boon of achieving the desired goal

By drinking the life-giving force of the devoted, attached faith and integrity of the dedicated devotees

Kept leading the devotee towards the desired destination  

Just as a mahout drives an elephant by hammering a nail into its head, according to his own rhythm  

Tired and fed up with the master they worshipped  

The devotees conceived the idea of another God again  

They moved towards replacing another God again  

At that very opportunity–opportunity  

In new attire  

With an attractive form and beautiful dreams  

Perhaps a magical being waiting for its turn manifested before them  

They, purely faithful in the divine play of God  

For those who have no one, God exists

And saying that the victory of truth over falsehood is inevitable  

Acknowledging, 'You are our savior, our worshipped deity'

Displacing the old God  

Offering the leaf of trust  

They enthroned a new God on the seat of the presiding deity  

Saying, 'Lead the devotee from darkness to the journey of light, Lord'

Devoting their actions and considering His signals as divine direction

They remained dedicated with energy  

Considering Him the ultimate truth in unwavering devotion  

In the vow not to let the glory of God diminish or waver in the devotee's heart  

They overlooked the drought of His morality  

They saw benevolent justice even in the stripping of Jalandhar's wife Vrinda's clothes  

They considered many inconsistent events and circumstances as completely religious  

They declared in one voice on the outcome– 

'Our faith, our mind, our Lord has won, won in a way that will never be lost!'  

It was all based on what the mind accepted and the heart believed  

Their God stood on the strength of what they proclaimed and accepted  

The immense power of God–the infinite devotion of the devotees!

They spread their palms to support Him  

They offered their shoulders to carry Him  

Making a ladder of the devotees' spines, He reached higher and higher, to the peak  

And did the same thing that the previous incarnations had already done  

The same betrayal and the same kind of arrogance  

It was because they were powerful that  

They made Him walk by offering palms and carrying Him on their backs  

Because the devotees were wise, the disguised God

Was practicing his weapons on the devotees' emotions  

His foundation– the devotee's feeling of devotion  

His immense power– only the support of the devotee  

Otherwise, who is that such a divine great man?

It was they who called Him the sustainer of this world, the remover of sorrow  

It was they who recognized the embodiment of the Supreme Soul, the true form of God  

Certainly–

The powerful devotee who has the strength to establish

And the power to lift Him up to heaven  

Can also bring Him down to the netherworld in one swift move  

The truth is–

This world needs not an attributeless God  

But all of humanity.

3. Man as a River

The glacier flows down as a glacier river

The mountain flows down the same way

Becoming waterfalls and cascades  

Man also flows–

Slowly, slowly, man becomes a river  

Man the river,

Flows stretching from the village towards the city  

And the city also flows  

With the aspiration that one day the banks will meet, merging together  

Divided into currents, half on one side, half on the other, continuously  

Man has flowed yesterday too  

The glorious history has also been written by men who walked flowing

The tales of glory have been read on stone inscriptions

It is only today that they are not just flowing  

Man himself is translated into the river

Defined by fitting in, like a pond freezing, like a man-river flowing  

The dharma of a river is to flow, while saying it keeps flowing  

Is the dharma of man to flow or to freeze?

Befriending the green trees on the banks  

Life's flow is not just like a meandering river flowing  

As the man-river flows, it carries along all possibilities with it, without leaving its side  

It is not like the roar of a river when one downpour mixes after another  

When the man-river whistles  

The sound must be suppressed and lost within its voiceless whistle  

As the man-river flows  

It must cross one gully after another  

The stream must cut the roots of the mountain as it flows  

Forgetting old sorrows with new wounds  

Certainly, the river too has to cross the ford  

It is crossing  

While the stony riverbed near the river remains stretched out as the boundary of the water  

The man-river flows limitlessly in its spread  

One desires to freeze like Rara Lake, in pure, calm beauty  

One desires to stand like a mountain, in high self-realization  

But man is translated into the flowing river  

The dharma of the river is to flow, helplessly flowing while seeking fulfillment in life...

No matter how much water flows from the river  

It cannot completely sever its connection with the source  

The day the connection with the origin is cut  

It remains as a torrent of a seasonal flood without existence  

The river– ceases to be a river  

Man– ceases to be man.